Testimony Update!!
Ok, so I changed my whole testimony...God has really been dealing with me about this stuff!!
Most you know me and my story. Just in case you don't, my name is Holly Ward. In September of 2007 and again that October I attempted suicide which both times landed me in the Pavilion. I had suffered much abuse physically, sexually and emotionally as a child and had an abortion as a teen, among other traumas in my life. I was severely depressed and was abusing prescription drugs. I needed help and found it at Glory House, a rehab for women, in Tulsa, Ok. I was glad I found the much needed help but it would mean that I would have to be away from my husband and 3 precious children for 6 months. That seemed like an eternity to me! But thank God for this church and the people in it! So many people took care of my family while I was gone by helping my husband with meals, the kids, and even financially. I knew that my family was taken care of and that helped me focus on myself and my recovery without having to worry about their well-being.
It took me a while when I got back from Tulsa to adjust to real life again and once I did I starting thinking, what can I do to show everyone how much I appreciate what they've done for me and my family?? And then it came to me--I need to witness to others like I have been witnessed to. But even more than that I need to take it a step futher, and go beyond the walls of this church.
One of the things I've come to realize is that we as humans all want to know we are loved, that someone cares. Someone tangible, someone we can see, talk to and touch. And that being a missionary to someone is showing them that you care and through that eventual bond, showing them that Jesus cares even more!!
For years I have held resentment toward the people in the church where I grew up. They knew my homelife was horrible and knew of the inappropriate relationship I had with the youth pastor who got me pregnant. While I am over it now and hold no hard feelings, I have often wondered what would have happened if they had stepped out of their comfort zones and reached out to me. Instead of treating me like an outsider or someone elses problem, what if they had showed me that they cared about me?? I truly believe that if they had, my self-esteem would have been restored and I wouldn't have faced the self-loathing and self-doubt that I have faced in the past and sometimes still struggle with.
So, I want to encourage everyone here, including myself to be the hope for those who are strugglin and hurting. Those who are harder to love. For example, instead of shunning the girl in your school who is pregnant, ask her how she is doing. Show interest in the baby growing inside of her instead of treating her like she is tainted. Show her you care about her and her situation. What about that student you have in class or Sunday School? You know the one, perhaps with piercing and a bad attitude. Who seems to be more interested in showing disrepect towards you than in learning? As hard as it is, don't give up on him. You don't know what he has to deal with day in and day out and you may be the only glimpse of Jesus he will ever see!
So let's step out of our boxes and off our pedestals and do exactly what Jesus had commanded us to do...to be the shining light that leads the way into His loving arms.
Most you know me and my story. Just in case you don't, my name is Holly Ward. In September of 2007 and again that October I attempted suicide which both times landed me in the Pavilion. I had suffered much abuse physically, sexually and emotionally as a child and had an abortion as a teen, among other traumas in my life. I was severely depressed and was abusing prescription drugs. I needed help and found it at Glory House, a rehab for women, in Tulsa, Ok. I was glad I found the much needed help but it would mean that I would have to be away from my husband and 3 precious children for 6 months. That seemed like an eternity to me! But thank God for this church and the people in it! So many people took care of my family while I was gone by helping my husband with meals, the kids, and even financially. I knew that my family was taken care of and that helped me focus on myself and my recovery without having to worry about their well-being.
It took me a while when I got back from Tulsa to adjust to real life again and once I did I starting thinking, what can I do to show everyone how much I appreciate what they've done for me and my family?? And then it came to me--I need to witness to others like I have been witnessed to. But even more than that I need to take it a step futher, and go beyond the walls of this church.
One of the things I've come to realize is that we as humans all want to know we are loved, that someone cares. Someone tangible, someone we can see, talk to and touch. And that being a missionary to someone is showing them that you care and through that eventual bond, showing them that Jesus cares even more!!
For years I have held resentment toward the people in the church where I grew up. They knew my homelife was horrible and knew of the inappropriate relationship I had with the youth pastor who got me pregnant. While I am over it now and hold no hard feelings, I have often wondered what would have happened if they had stepped out of their comfort zones and reached out to me. Instead of treating me like an outsider or someone elses problem, what if they had showed me that they cared about me?? I truly believe that if they had, my self-esteem would have been restored and I wouldn't have faced the self-loathing and self-doubt that I have faced in the past and sometimes still struggle with.
So, I want to encourage everyone here, including myself to be the hope for those who are strugglin and hurting. Those who are harder to love. For example, instead of shunning the girl in your school who is pregnant, ask her how she is doing. Show interest in the baby growing inside of her instead of treating her like she is tainted. Show her you care about her and her situation. What about that student you have in class or Sunday School? You know the one, perhaps with piercing and a bad attitude. Who seems to be more interested in showing disrepect towards you than in learning? As hard as it is, don't give up on him. You don't know what he has to deal with day in and day out and you may be the only glimpse of Jesus he will ever see!
So let's step out of our boxes and off our pedestals and do exactly what Jesus had commanded us to do...to be the shining light that leads the way into His loving arms.
posted by Holly at
2:00 PM
1 Comments:
Thank you for sharing, Holly. Your story touches my heart. Knowing that someone near you has been through a similar background helps to not feel so all alone.
You're so strong and so beautiful! I thank God that you're my friend!
Post a Comment
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
<< Home